Fast weekend
On Tuesday, I moved into my new place in Kreuzberg. The lesbians were out, and I arranged my few things in my huge room. I have a great view over a little park and out over the rooftops. The two cats are delightful: the older one, Pecadee, taciturn and sober, the younger one, Rocket, dynamic and always wanting to play-fight.
On Thursday, Musk, Vanilla, Vanilla’s mother and I all at supper together. It was nice. Things are so domestic here: we share the shopping and they buy tulips and mangoes and there is beer in the fridge. The apartment is light and airy and has a great view down the street. For the first time in my life, I am living in precisely the area I want.
On Friday, I went to meet Brown for a Vietnamese and then we met some of her friends at a weird hybrid gay/hipster/biker bar. We drank beer and talked about the BBC and Brown’s failed romance with a chap who lives in Cairo. There were quite a few gays in our party, but they were not annoying. We went on to a basement bar in Neukölln that was red lit and full of fairly boring people. I left about two and got home and played with Rocket on my duvet and wrote to Cat.
Today, I went to meet my cousin, who is visiting Berlin, and his girlfriend. We ate an early lunch in a good cafe down the road from my house and talked about the films they make and our family and living in a foreign country and my job. It was really nice.
This evening, I went to meet my boss, Malt, for Capture the Flag. It was cold and raining, and, despite some kind translations, I found it hard to join in properly because I couldn’t really communicate. But, it was great to hang out with Malt. I think I might be falling for him. We have banter and his smiles give me little lurches and he’s tall and a little protective and confident and alpha. Thinking of having sex with him brings a mixture of desire and repulsion and shyness and fear. I haven’t fantasised about him yet. But, this slow growing of attraction is the way it always seems to go with boys.
Malt left about nine to go to a house-warming party. He didn’t invite me, and I’m not sure why.
It struck me that I always give savoury names to the boys I really like: Grain, Dusk, Malt.
I got the U-Bahn back to Kottbusser Tor and walked up through Kreuzberg. I stopped off and had a soul-warming pizza and beer, then came home.
Tomorrow, I am hopefully going for a massage with Canvas.
I’ve just started reading Endgame Vol. 1: The Problem of Civilisation by Derrick Jensen.