Ruby Stark

Circle Takes The Square, Foster Wallace on Lynch, on the train to see Matte, then back to London, then Berlin soon. Tremulous.

Feels so good to have a weekend being carried by a river of events. I’m hardly thinking #atp

Watching sexy music boy at ATP.

Where are the queers at ATP?

Just bumped into an old flame.

Gay people make me want to kill myself.

The Black Heart Procession are about to start. Bailed part way through apocalypse in 2012. Another secret life evening.

Sometimes, I wonder whether being in a relationship with someone decreases the interestingness of the conversation.

I go to gigs alone, pretend to read my phone.

I’ve just broken up with her.

Making a list of the pros and cons of my relationship with Matte.

I got the job! I will move to Berlin in February. Wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow.

Arrrgh, God damn it, I am going spare not knowing whether I have the job.

Think I have made a new friend and I am only 35% in love with him.

Heading to Berlin. Getting super déjà-vu of when I used to visit Gertrude a couple of winters ago.

Tomorrow, I’m going to Berlin for a job interview with a very cool software company. But I’m not sure another new city is what I need.

Since dying, I have a laugh line when I’m not laughing.

Coming home from Bradford. Work and my normal life seem so remote.

Hanging out in Matte’s bedroom with her and Abel. Not too weird.

Into Leeds for supper with old beloved, leaving Matte in Bradford. Feels weird but not bad. Feels strange-town solitary.

On my way to Bradford to see Matte. Her boyfriend has already arrived, so our last days together will be a trois.

At a hack day. Smoking outside with the glorious river smell of summer.

Sunset Rubdown: “I’d like to fight the good fight for another couple of years.”

Why the fuck do I go to so many things alone?

Going to a wedding where I will know no one, bar the bride and groom. Terrified.

Just fucked Matte from behind in front of the mirror and she is now about to wank for me.

Went to a queer bar. Seemed just like another awful gay bar to me. Jesus fucking Christ.