Taking Stockades
I turned 28 yesterday. Three friends and I had a joint birthday party in a bar. Tons of people came and we danced and hung out and people came up and talked to me and we cracked jokes and I introduced as many people as I could. I match-made and drank Corona and played some songs over the speakers with my iPhone.
Today, I feel totally adrift.
This feeling has been growing inside me for a while. Ever since I left University, I have hated getting older. Even though I’ve done so much in the last few years, I worry that I’m not getting enough done, that I spend too much time on my own. When I’m in a relationship with someone, I constantly distance myself and worry that I’m settling. When I’m not in a relationship, I have a nagging feeling that I’ll never kiss anyone again.
The good: I’ve got a solo music project that is pretty good; I’m spending a lot of time with my family; I’ve got several art projects on the go; I’m reading a lot; I live in London; I’m going to lots of gigs; I’m heavily involved with the tech scene.
The bad: I’m not playing enough gigs; I wish I was in some more bands; I’m not in the US; I haven’t got a girlfriend or a boyfriend or both; I’m not doing any politics; I’m not playing squash; my job is not what I love.